for the night to pass, with the anticipation of the next

-

Having all of what you need in one person does kind of seem to be a stretch. But believing that someone is as like that for you, might just be pure devotion.

Mere words like, 'missing', 'yearning' have become the last way I could describe this dreading of being so close yet so far from him. Being the cadaver in this situation, who actually also blooms with love; dripping as like nectar, in peak summer that too, how much more of 'perfect moment to kiss' could it be (…sorry, I am kind of deprived).

As I have already said, this summer does feel different. And one of the top most reason for it to be so, is him. To be in love with someone enough to look at the world -starry eyed- is apparently my status of love-meter as of now.

I always loved the concept of loving, but somehow now the concept of love has expanded to universes beyond and it somehow even means that for me the concept of love lies within him. 

Surely I am a cliché type of girl in love. I love to write, to make gifts, to compliment over the top, to randomly turn any conversation into my fangirling stage, and anything you can probably call cliché (yes, I have even made a marriage document)(with vows).

But being so with him just feels right. He is just like that, to make me feel that even the basic clichés are some 'once in a lifetime' things that only I could give him, making me fall more and do these stupid thing more and more.

It is just like a calm song made for a movie, playing in the background as the leads lock eyes; like the serene wind blowing in a low lit room as a character just lays, realising emotions; like a friend group finally knowing the struggle of the 'funny guy' and having a group hug. A bliss of being able to feel. 

To think of days like skipping stone to the future yet tressure every stone, I am the kind to save my past while anticipate the future so to say. Keeping even a 'not specially for me' chocolate wrapper that he gave me on his birthday (he gave it to everyone) to pass it as 'just for memory of course' yet feel heavy to throw my stupid hope of love, it was just a silly choice. But now; after being together, I can just laugh at my sincere effort of treasuring him. 

After all, love can never mean one single thing, but for all, when you can name an emotion as love, the only meaning you would need for it would be indelible.

At last, sing-songs of me being in love with him have become my anthems, this love has began to mean a thousand things, inevitable strokes of 'oh I love him so muchhh' have become too frequent, finding '21' anywhere and smiling as if it means the most cheesiest of lines and genuinely just falling for him; might just be my calamitous way of love afterall.

.

.

.

And I might just be the biggest devotee afterall.



🎵- The Neighbourhood - Pretty Boy 

Thank you so much

For giving this your precious time

Stay tuned for more!

-17.

Check out more -

if anyone finds me looking at him starry eyed, throw something at me

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I am not in love. I swear. Not with my male best friend, at least.  But me not being in love would not justify why he is acting too much like a boyfriend, protective I mind you, and very delicate. Which is quite unlike when his first words of the day would be, quote un-quote, 'argh, can't you be absent for a day? I am desperate for peace in my life'. Now that would be old news because now he is, well, too happy that I am there.  Ironic, but the guy who, once upon a time, used to push and scrawl at me when I touched his hair for fun, is now touching my cheeks, ears, hair, eyes and arms like he has seen them for the first time. What makes it more awkward is, my so-called friend likes him. And that silly guy, unaware of her sharp eyes when he is with me, touches my shoulders in the most non- 'just best friends' way. After which I have to give her a confirmation about me not dating him.  Sure, I got butterflies every time he touched me thinking I would not care. I do. E...
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in the way of life, I have found someone who will flourish it

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  Maybe I have finally learnt the most beautiful way to live. What is it you say? Being in love. With him, with myself, with the little things that make me smile, and this life.   I wonder how my favourite words now are 'exist' and 'live' to write in a poem, when all I wrote was how death captivated the best of me, how I wish this all ended and many more which didn't at all coincide with living. But I am not surprised. It is just as if I knew that when he would come by, living would just get more pleasant than before, and not merely surviving and trying to ' live '.  As though, loving him was just continued over all my previous lives and when I knew him, I knew that it was love. Because it has to. At most, when this love found me, it would have found me alive, but when it took a hold of me, it must have seen me rise to live. Live with his smiles, with him having his arms around me, with this new found feeling of letting go things and holding onto just which ...
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when the skies clear up, you might know to let go

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I WANT TO DIE. And joking would quite literally not be the right word. It was all and all an innocent- cough - not so innocent friendship, but maybe things do change. I don't know how much exactly they changed because I am back again where I was 2 years ago. Where was I? In my world where he would love me, hoping that it not end with an alarm ring. But time and time, it became more difficult.  My friend liked him. And people pleasers don't let go a friend for a boy. And getting to know this when I prepared myself to tell him how I feel, would just be the straw that broke the camel's back. I did tell him who I liked though - His best friend. Before any of this got cleared up, my whole section knew about my 'much interested' crush.  Day by day, I left thinking about him. He started dating someone. I started dating too. How did that go? Ahem, get me a drink to hear that. (I don't drink, thus it will be a secret forever) But in all this mess, why am I dragged to squ...
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