sowillitbecoffeeortea

  How is it that with the urge to live, comes the urge of being able to run as far as you can as you feel the wind clashing against you and the voices blurring out to nothing but the thought of enjoying this moment to the fullest? To not sit in the corner even when I feel low, to celebrate things to the maximum, to be able to talk and to act out and not think about the embarrassment to come later, to take part of things as 'memory' of what we are doing even if is considerable playful theft, to play the weird games and laugh to our fullest and to not care about what the end result will be and know that is moment is all you have. That is living. I might not be the most reserved person in the room, but for all the times I was, somewhere the thought of 'you will never get this time back' was enough for me to just go, get out and do the cringe or the crazy stuff or even the things that didn't actually seem fun (good for me, they were amazing). Now, if you ask me, 'wa...

How deep is the art of thinking to feel the burden of the ocean bed heavy on you while you are burned with the sun's rays? Mine just start with a 'I am so tired of thinking' to thinking about why thoughts just keep building up while more thoughts build up. I might not be the person who stops thinking so to say. But isn't it a bliss to do so? To think about even how a fallen leaf would feel but blandly despise someone's existence at once. To think about how love warms up your soul yet how the bones feel heavy with the fear of losing it. To think of songs in a way to relax and yet sing and check up on every lyric. To think about how life feels heavenly while the thoughts of why it is not, crawl to ruin the moment.  To no ones surprise, I would surely have a love and hate relation with the whole 'overthinking' term. As many would have. Now, my thoughts just exclude the rhythm they had before and the poetic part of me has not made an approach to be back in a ful...

  Maybe I have finally learnt the most beautiful way to live. What is it you say? Being in love. With him, with myself, with the little things that make me smile, and this life.   I wonder how my favourite words now are 'exist' and 'live' to write in a poem, when all I wrote was how death captivated the best of me, how I wish this all ended and many more which didn't at all coincide with living. But I am not surprised. It is just as if I knew that when he would come by, living would just get more pleasant than before, and not merely surviving and trying to ' live '.  As though, loving him was just continued over all my previous lives and when I knew him, I knew that it was love. Because it has to. At most, when this love found me, it would have found me alive, but when it took a hold of me, it must have seen me rise to live. Live with his smiles, with him having his arms around me, with this new found feeling of letting go things and holding onto just which ...

  If forever does really exist, I really want to see it along with him. It has been 6 months. HALF A YEAR! More than enough for me to know that life with him, is the life I wished for. Craved for. Need of. I wonder how quickly "Him? Never!" turned into "Yes, him. I need him forever.", but maybe playing with the nevers and forevers is what it took to be together.  He smiles like I were an art to look at. He talks like an author who wrote romance and I am his muse. He holds me like I am his to treasure (I am). He loves like an emotion rather than just a thing to do. Every small dream somehow ends up happening. Every kiss reaches the soul. Every heartbeat I listen to, feels like it was perfectly musically noted. Every second feels like longing for years when he isn't there. Maybe the 'love' I craved for was not meant to come before, because how could he not be the one, my one. He is the one. God, how much I irritate him, more like, I try to. With drama, tau...

  It has been 4 months since we have been dating. FOUR DANG MONTHS!!! Well, debatably and sensibly so, 4 months is a small amount. But with him I would celebrate every second, let alone months.  I would not know how to say 'I love you' without flustering but I hope my eyes show, I would not know how to express my emotions into words but I hope he sees the slight red tint on my cheeks by his words, I would not know how to flirt but I hope my poems and jumbled paragraphs seem fluttery enough. Actually, I do not and would not know many things, but I hope I can learn every thing with him by my side. Honestly, me being the delusional one, I have had thoughts of having him as my boyfriend. But the reality surpasses my delusions.  Like, who would have thought that a guy who roasted me for fun, will be rethinking if even a minute thing feels like it would hurt me. Who would have thought the guy who said that love is dumb and stuff, would be so eager for a virtual kiss or a simple...

I am in love. Like the romcom kind of love, like the 'love you like it's breathing' kind of love, like the books kind of love. I love him, like a lotttttttt. A 'promise' after a 'promise?', a 'forever' after a 'forever?', a reassuring gaze every time I look at him, every text being a reason to smile, every 'good night' with a wish that this time shouldn't end and his every smile with love in his eyes. So, how am I not supposed to fall more and more, every time? As an author and a poet, I should know better than to believe forevers' and eternities, but for him an author would never write sad endings and a poet wouldn't write about losing and leaving. Slow dancing with him on a romance playlist, kissing him in the rain, holding his hand as we see the sunset, laying in his arms as we sit, letting the heartbeats sound louder. All are just silly little dreams which I hope come true . I would scream on the top of my lungs about ...

So, we went on a date. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! First things first, tell me how can you love someone so much that it feels like there is no extent stopping you from loving them more?! Whatever adjectives would describe me the happiest in the world, I am all those. Because I am with him. (Yayayayya) One moment we were holding hands and the other I was resting my head on his shoulder as I were viewing a beautiful sunset. But to be honest, even the simple sage green café felt like it was adorned with jewels. But again, did I even see the walls of the café for more than one minute? No. As we hugged, I looped my hands around his neck and he looped his, around my waist and slightly pulled me closer, more into him. Butterflies . - And somehow this is not a book scene narration. ARGHHHHHH! I quite and all hope that we spend more dates just doing our thing, and pouring each other with love because, why not. But I just know that I am never not going to bring this specific one up in random conve...

  You know how people wish upon stars. May it be for something small or big. For some reason, I never did that. So tell me why my first instinct was to wish a 'till life exists', upon the north star when I saw it. Yes, I am long gone in love. Down bad, in the depths of the ocean, in the mysteries of hells and heavens, whatever you call it. I am all that. Every time I am about to fall, he tells me to walk slow and not fall, but how do I tell him, that the physical hurt will never affect more than how bad I fallen for him. And some how that would be the safest place to be in. I craved for love once. A typical people pleaser thing to do. But now that I am loved by someone, the proximity feels divine.  Even an unintentional arm graze makes me want to hide because the heat feels too real. Not that I fear real, but with him, real feels too surreal to exist. All mythical but just that it is happening. In real time. It has already been more than a month and I don't know if I should...

"Umhmm." "So how's it going?" "All good" "Oh come on, you can tell me." "Umhmm" *proceeds to ramble about him for hours* Yes, that is me every time someone asks me that, because it is impossible to not somehow bring him into conversations. I was just a hopeless - romantic before him, but this guy is showing me how to love, all brains and hearts into it, till my soul is left craving, till my bones feel lose, till my eyes close to just let the peace take over. He is my comfort. Sure, it would be just butterflies, which I am exaggerating, but how can they be just butterflies when my whole body longs for just a view of him. Butterflies are surely mythical to have, but your soul being enriched after when he says those 3 words, myths could never come near. Every 'byee' with a '(virtual kisses)' at the end, every 'heyy' with a nickname attached, every 'I love you' with 'always', every little lame jok...

  I am dating My best friend And somehow they are not two whole sentences but one literal sentence. How did it happen? - I HAVE NO DAMN CLUE! But am I happy? - YES!!!!!! Love wouldn't necessarily warrantee a relationship to last forever but for some reason it feels too good to be into the mists of a imaginary heaven. Forever, it never felt so right before but with him, it sounds as if the word was made for us.  I know that it is too early to make assumptions but by what I feel - it could be the best thing happened to me. Writing blogs about him while listening to a romance book playlist was shameful, but somehow he makes even the most shameful of things fun, like they where just meant to happen for us to be here. But isn't love all about that? The shameful, the senseless, sometimes romantic, but sometimes playfully taunting that person, knowing that the other person will only love you more for that instead of the literal opposite. My emotions that where somehow so in tangles s...