the burrow where I hide from the world, might just be with him

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Being in love with him feels so real, and somehow the last chord to this reality hits the hardest with the way how he loves me.

Time feels like it is moving forwards in leaps of days as I look at him, and then I just want to go on to see him for centuries and lifetimes. A touch feels so hot that it might burn me, and then I want to have burn scar all over my body and still want him to touch me. A kiss feels so heart-shaking that it might tear out of my body and yet it will jump with excitement because I am kissing him, and I wouldn't even care it happens; wanting to just kiss him more.

He loves me in a way so silly, that it makes me feel all giddy. Yet I just want to be more and more insane in it. And somehow, all of this makes sense because I am in love with the right one.

When I remind myself that I am in a love like this, I feel a whole new excitement with calm gratitude of being loved in such a way and love him in my way. 

It feels like I am a kid, finally using red colour for the sky and draw clouds with blue, feeling satisfied with the free-will do to so. 

I wonder how many times we will need up teasing each other on dates and the forever ahead. I wonder how many times would I glare at him because he says something unacceptable (according to me) to himself or in general. I wonder how many times I will say 'talk more' and later go blabbering about my day with bizarre detailing. Wondering these things make me feel such a delicate bloom of happiness, making me jump as I walk to my class, put my head down and smile and squeal randomly, and just love him with all of me.

I had some days where I overthought about every single thing going right, thinking about how it might have gone, or will go wrong. But soon after, it felt hard to overthink about the mean stuff. When he says that forever is true for us, I trust him with it. And suddenly, I didn't have to think of the 'worst case scenario' because forever with him is always the 'best case scenario'.

Those days when I just had a tiny crush on him, being too stubborn to give him the title of 'my crush', I often thought of how he might not even know to love me the way I need. 'Romantic' felt like such a far cry from the way he was, that the thought of him loving me in a way as such was ridiculous.

Now that I know the way he loves, I might just be the most selfish person in the whole universe, because I just want it to myself. But at the same time, I want people to know how he loves too. How his love is so pure that he would go lengths for them. I want them to appreciate and tressure his love in the way I do. And for them to also love him unconditionally because he deserves it all.

When I first heard the word, 'unconditionally', I was captivated by it. Using it so much that at the end, I forgot it's importance. But now, he has made me live to the meaning of that word. Make me know and feel that he loves me unconditionally.

At the end of the day, me loving him would be sweet and ever 'so much' but him loving me is what makes me take all these efforts, it is his love that makes me love him more every second, it is his love that makes me love myself more.

So maybe this way of life, long stretched, doesn't scare me, rather makes me collect rocks (hardships), leaves (memories) and flowers (my people) as I go on smiling, knowing that we would always be hand in hand on the way.

For all of the love I give, and for all the love he gives, a 'happily ever after' seems to not just belong to books and folklores.

.

.

.

It belongs to us.



🎵- Must be love- Laufey

Thank you so much

For giving this your precious time

Stay tuned for more!

-17.


Check out more -

if anyone finds me looking at him starry eyed, throw something at me

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I am not in love. I swear. Not with my male best friend, at least.  But me not being in love would not justify why he is acting too much like a boyfriend, protective I mind you, and very delicate. Which is quite unlike when his first words of the day would be, quote un-quote, 'argh, can't you be absent for a day? I am desperate for peace in my life'. Now that would be old news because now he is, well, too happy that I am there.  Ironic, but the guy who, once upon a time, used to push and scrawl at me when I touched his hair for fun, is now touching my cheeks, ears, hair, eyes and arms like he has seen them for the first time. What makes it more awkward is, my so-called friend likes him. And that silly guy, unaware of her sharp eyes when he is with me, touches my shoulders in the most non- 'just best friends' way. After which I have to give her a confirmation about me not dating him.  Sure, I got butterflies every time he touched me thinking I would not care. I do. E...
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in the way of life, I have found someone who will flourish it

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when the skies clear up, you might know to let go

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I WANT TO DIE. And joking would quite literally not be the right word. It was all and all an innocent- cough - not so innocent friendship, but maybe things do change. I don't know how much exactly they changed because I am back again where I was 2 years ago. Where was I? In my world where he would love me, hoping that it not end with an alarm ring. But time and time, it became more difficult.  My friend liked him. And people pleasers don't let go a friend for a boy. And getting to know this when I prepared myself to tell him how I feel, would just be the straw that broke the camel's back. I did tell him who I liked though - His best friend. Before any of this got cleared up, my whole section knew about my 'much interested' crush.  Day by day, I left thinking about him. He started dating someone. I started dating too. How did that go? Ahem, get me a drink to hear that. (I don't drink, thus it will be a secret forever) But in all this mess, why am I dragged to squ...
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