for someone like me, there will always be someone like him

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For a allormantic person like me, falling in love with someone or something was always easy. And adding up that I do have a good and all, normal life, I didn't really expect something huge from 'love' other than 'someone who loves me'. 

But now as I say, 'love', it even somehow means 'him'. That is how much he has turned the meaning for me. 

It has been ONE YEAR since 'him and I' really meant 'us', but I would be lying if I said that it felt like it. It felt like years yet days. It felt like seasons yet as if it was just 24 hours - sun kissed day and midnight rain.

It felt as if it was all of the emotions, made into a sentence and somehow it would just be us saying 'I love yous' to each other.

How does one even love for 'live and love' to become the main goal among the thousand more things that they believed were more important than living itself? How does one love in the way that it feels light knowing that someone would be proud of them even at their lowest, just to be present? How does one love in a way that celebrating the silliest things somehow becomes the most sensible thing to do? I don't really know, but that is the way I am in love with him.

For, all the paragraphs I have ever written wouldn't express enough, all the things I made wouldn't show enough, all the hugs and kisses I gave wouldn't give enough. So till it is soo muchhh moreee than enough, I think I have to stay with him. (YAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAY) (Disclaimer: It is never enough)
 
If it were up to me, he would even have a ring of my name, on his finger already but as of now, it is heavenly for him to have my name in his heart and mind. 

The most funny yet beautiful thing that we have would be our similarities, which we actually build together as 'just' best friends. Because tell me how he knows about books and girly things, and I know about the weird things that are not that important to someone else, but for me, they are my holy grain. For how much shit we used to talk, about how he will treat his girlfriend and how I would treat my boyfriend, never actually thinking that WE could be each other's partners. We now are kind of glad for those conversations.

Every 'Will you miss me?' 'Never', which we said jokingly, turned into 'I miss you so much' 'I miss you soooo veryyyy muchhhh'. Every 'Shut up!' 'You shut up', turned into, 'Talk forever, and I will listen to you forever' '*blushes* you talkk'. Every lame joke that made me smile but still made me stubbornly say 'so dumb', turned into one of the things on the never ending list of things I love about him. 

So, now I know, ruining the friendship, to build something more, something which makes you feel home yet on a holiday trip, something which turns you into a flustering mess yet calms you down, something which feels all like a coincidence yet perfectly planned, was the best decision of my life.

At last, guys, I got the guy whom I want to wear a ring for, ink my soul for, put blush; which would look like I have blush blindness after I see him; and love it for, thank the mundane lands for, love every second for, be mad for yet be sane for, and stick to forever believing in faith for.

.

.

.

and never-endingly love for.







🎵- Nothing - Bruno Major

Thank you so much

For giving this your precious time

Stay tuned for more!

-17.



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if anyone finds me looking at him starry eyed, throw something at me

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I am not in love. I swear. Not with my male best friend, at least.  But me not being in love would not justify why he is acting too much like a boyfriend, protective I mind you, and very delicate. Which is quite unlike when his first words of the day would be, quote un-quote, 'argh, can't you be absent for a day? I am desperate for peace in my life'. Now that would be old news because now he is, well, too happy that I am there.  Ironic, but the guy who, once upon a time, used to push and scrawl at me when I touched his hair for fun, is now touching my cheeks, ears, hair, eyes and arms like he has seen them for the first time. What makes it more awkward is, my so-called friend likes him. And that silly guy, unaware of her sharp eyes when he is with me, touches my shoulders in the most non- 'just best friends' way. After which I have to give her a confirmation about me not dating him.  Sure, I got butterflies every time he touched me thinking I would not care. I do. E...
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in the way of life, I have found someone who will flourish it

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  Maybe I have finally learnt the most beautiful way to live. What is it you say? Being in love. With him, with myself, with the little things that make me smile, and this life.   I wonder how my favourite words now are 'exist' and 'live' to write in a poem, when all I wrote was how death captivated the best of me, how I wish this all ended and many more which didn't at all coincide with living. But I am not surprised. It is just as if I knew that when he would come by, living would just get more pleasant than before, and not merely surviving and trying to ' live '.  As though, loving him was just continued over all my previous lives and when I knew him, I knew that it was love. Because it has to. At most, when this love found me, it would have found me alive, but when it took a hold of me, it must have seen me rise to live. Live with his smiles, with him having his arms around me, with this new found feeling of letting go things and holding onto just which ...
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when the skies clear up, you might know to let go

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I WANT TO DIE. And joking would quite literally not be the right word. It was all and all an innocent- cough - not so innocent friendship, but maybe things do change. I don't know how much exactly they changed because I am back again where I was 2 years ago. Where was I? In my world where he would love me, hoping that it not end with an alarm ring. But time and time, it became more difficult.  My friend liked him. And people pleasers don't let go a friend for a boy. And getting to know this when I prepared myself to tell him how I feel, would just be the straw that broke the camel's back. I did tell him who I liked though - His best friend. Before any of this got cleared up, my whole section knew about my 'much interested' crush.  Day by day, I left thinking about him. He started dating someone. I started dating too. How did that go? Ahem, get me a drink to hear that. (I don't drink, thus it will be a secret forever) But in all this mess, why am I dragged to squ...
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