sowillitbecoffeeortea

I WANT TO DIE. And joking would quite literally not be the right word.  It was all and all an innocent- cough - not so innocent friendship, but maybe things do change. I don't know how much exactly they changed because I am back again where I was 2 years ago. Where was I? In my world where he would love me and it would hopefully not end with an alarm ringing in my ear. But time and time, it became more difficult.  My friend liked him. And people pleasers don't let go a friend for a boy. That is girl code, right? And getting to know this when I prepared myself to tell him how I feel, would just be the straw that broke the camel's back. I did tell him who I liked though - His best friend. Before any of this got cleared up, my whole section knew about my 'much interested' crush.  Day by day, I left thinking about him. He started dating someone. I started dating too. How did that go? Ahem, get me a drink to hear that. But in all this mess, why am I dragged to square one...

  Love can be a little overwhelming.  Especially when you have not asked for it. Not to your male best friend, at least. Ruining a 4 year friendship for just a chance to hold them in your arms, must feel deafening to the level death. But I can't help but think about how he would hold me.  It is shameful. More than I would like to admit. But it feels heavenly to be in between the mist of emotions. Even though, that feeling is only when he looks at me with those eyes who just look at me, find me, love me, and want to be there just for me. For, once coming to the ledge of love but getting pulled back to the 'Ain't I your best friend?'. It is frustrating. 'One step forward, three steps back' is just a great Olivia Rodrigo song. But isn't love just meant to be complicated. Him dancing in between the lines of liking me and being just friends with me, while I stand in the corner. Which is most probably marked as 'love'. Chaos is inevitable. But for now, my ...

I am not in love. I swear. Not with my male best friend, at least.  But me not being in love would not justify why he is acting too much like a boyfriend, protective I mind you, and very delicate. Which is quite unlike when his first words of the day would be, quote un-quote, 'argh, can't you be absent for a day? I am desperate for peace in my life'. Now that would be old news because now he is, well, too happy that I am there.  Ironic, but the guy who, once upon a time, used to push and scrawl at me when I touched his hair for fun, is now touching my cheeks, ears, hair, eyes and arms like he has seen them for the first time. What makes it more awkward is, my so-called friend likes him. And that silly guy, unaware of her sharp eyes when he is with me, touches my shoulders in the most non- 'just best friends' way. After which I have to give her a confirmation about me not dating him.  Sure, I got butterflies every time he touched me thinking I would not care. I do. E...