sowillitbecoffeeortea

  Maybe I have finally learnt the most beautiful way to live. What is it you say? Being in love. With him, with myself, with the little things that make me smile, and this life.   I wonder how my favourite words now are 'exist' and 'live' to write in a poem, when all I wrote was how death captivated the best of me, how I wish this all ended and many more which didn't at all coincide with living. But I am not surprised. It is just as if I knew that when he would come by, living would just get more pleasant than before, and not merely surviving and trying to ' live '.  From the day one till the current, it just felt like we dated since ages, when it is not even been a year yet. But how does one not feel so, when you finally feel like you are home after years of trying to find one?  As though, loving him was just continued over all my previous lives and when I knew him, I knew that it was love. Because it has to. At most, when this love found me, it would have ...

  If forever does really exist, I really want to see it along with him. It has been 6 months. HALF A YEAR! More than enough for me to know that life with him, is the life I wished for. Craved for. Need of. I wonder how quickly "Him? Never!" turned into "Yes, him. I need him forever.", but maybe playing with the nevers and forevers is what it took to be together.  Like, he smiles like I were an art to look at. He talks like an author who wrote romance and I am his muse. He holds me like I am his to treasure (I am). He loves like an emotion rather than just a thing to do. Every small dream somehow ends up happening. Every kiss reaches the soul. Every heartbeat I listen to, feels like it was perfectly musically noted. Every second feels like longing for years when he isn't there. Maybe the 'love' I craved for was not meant to come before, because how could he not be the one, my one. He is the one. God, how much I irritate him, more like, I try to. With dram...

  It has been 4 months since we have been dating. FOUR FUCKING MONTHS!!! Well, debatably and sensibly so, 4 months is a small amount. But with him I would celebrate every second, let alone months.  I would not know how to say 'I love you' without flustering but I hope my eyes show, I would not know how to express my emotions into words but I hope he sees the slight red tint on my cheeks by his words, I would not know how to flirt but I hope my poems and jumbled paragraphs seem fluttery enough. Actually, I do not and would not know many things, but I hope I can learn every thing with him by my side. Honestly, me being the delusional one, I have had thoughts of having him as my boyfriend. But the reality surpasses my delusions.  Like, who would have thought that a guy who roasted me for fun, will be rethinking if even a minute thing feels like it would hurt me. Who would have thought the guy who said that love is dumb and stuff, would be so eager for a virtual kiss or a sim...

I am in love. Like the romcom kind of love, like the 'love you like it's breathing' kind of love, like the books kind of love. I love him, like a lotttttttt. A 'promise' after a 'promise?', a 'forever' after a 'forever?', a reassuring gaze every time I look at him, every text being a reason to smile, every 'good night' with a wish that this time shouldn't end and his every smile with love in his eyes. So, how am I not supposed to fall more and more, every time? As an author and a poet, I should know better than to believe forevers' and eternities, but for him an author would never write sad endings and a poet wouldn't write about losing and leaving. Slow dancing with him on a romance playlist, kissing him in the rain, holding his hand as we see the sunset, laying in his arms as we sit, letting the heartbeats sound louder. All are just silly little dreams which I hope come true . I would scream on the top of my lungs about ...

So, we went on a date. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! First things first, tell me how can you love someone so much that it feels like there is no extent stopping you from loving them more?! Whatever adjectives would describe me the happiest in the world, I am all those. Because I am with him. (Yayayayya) One moment we were holding hands and the other I was resting my head on his shoulder as I were viewing a beautiful sunset. But to be honest, even the simple sage green café felt like it was adorned with jewels. But again, did I even see the walls of the café for more than one minute? No. As we hugged, I looped my hands around his neck and he looped his, around my waist and slightly pulled me closer, more into him. Butterflies . - And somehow this is not a book scene narration. ARGHHHHHH! I quite and all hope that we spend more dates just doing our thing, and pouring each other with love because, why not. But I just know that I am never not going to bring this specific one up in random conve...

  You know how people wish upon stars. May it be for something small or big. For some reason, I never did that. So tell me why my first instinct was to wish a 'till life exists', upon the north star when I saw it. Yes, I am long gone in love. Down bad, in the depths of the ocean, in the mysteries of hells and heavens, whatever you call it. I am all that. Every time I am about to fall, he tells me to walk slow and not fall, but how do I tell him, that the physical hurt will never affect more than how bad I fallen for him. And some how that would be the safest place to be in. I craved for love once. A typical people pleaser thing to do. But now that I am loved by someone, the proximity feels divine.  Even an unintentional arm graze makes me want to hide because the heat feels too real. Not that I fear real, but with him, real feels too surreal to exist. All mythical but just that it is happening. In real time. It has already been more than a month and I don't know if I should...